Maybe Miracles Do Happen

After church on Sunday my parents and I were talking about the weekend and how things had gone with Brandon. I told them how comfortable it was to be with them and how much I liked Brandon already. I also explained that even though we hadn't been close friends previous to this trip I felt so close to him already. And I already missed him! Which was weird to me, knowing that I had actually gotten used to goodbyes from past college experiences.

My dad mentioned that he liked Brandon a lot (more than any other guy he had met). My mom seemed a little more cautious. She expressed her approval of Brandon but cautioned me to not get my hopes up. I think my mom was just worried about me getting hurt and I couldn't blame her. In the past I had let my heart surpass logic. I had fallen for guys who really didn't care about me, and I had been hurt before. But in the past year I had been trying to learn from previous mistakes because I was determined to never fall for another guy unless he had first said in plain words, that we was falling for me. And so I explained to my mom that I would be careful, and not make any assumtions from the previous day.

That same day when I was on facebook I happened to be talking to my friend (and old FHE brother) Spencer Brown. Spencer just happed to have been Brandon's roommate during the previous semester. He asked me what I had been up to and I mentioned that Brandon had come for a visit. Spencer asked how things had gone. I said that they had gone fine. Spencer seemed to sensed my hesitation and asked more directly how I felt about Brandon. I admitted that I had feelings for Brandon, but that I was trying not to. He asked me why I didn't want to have feelings for Brandon. I explained that I was tired of getting hurt and didn't want to get hurt again because I was used to being disappointed.

Spencer seemed to understand why I would feel that way but told me that he felt like I might have some hope in this case. I was a little surprised and confused by this. I begged Spencer to tell me if he knew anything. Spencer started to explain that my name had come up a few times during the semester and that Brandon had always made positive remarks about me. I wasn't convinced that some positive comments were anything more than a reflection of Brandon's character. Spencer tried to convince me that he thought it could be more than that. He said that he was determined to find out and would ask Brandon himself. I assured Spencer that such a gesture was not neccessary, but Spencer was determined to find out.

The next day while on break at work I realized my phone was missing. I was pretty sure I hadn't taken it out to the field so I hoped that it would be at home when I got there. So, as soon as I got back to my house I ran to my room to make sure I hadn't lost my phone. When I found my phone in my room I was happy to see a message from Spencer saying something like "So, I talked to Brandon and I have something you might like to know." He kept trying to keep me in suspense but I told him he better tell me what Brandon said before I went crazy.

It felt like at least ten minutes passed between each text message, though it may have only been seconds. But finally Spencer decided to finally satisfy my curiosity and said "Well, Brandon likes you."

I could not believe it. I felt my world had turned on its axle. "This never happens to me. How is it possible? It must be a miracle! But how will this ever work?" I thought "I live more than four hours away from him? But maybe miracles do happen after all."

The Trip that Changed Everything!

Saturday morning came quickly with the 7am start time at the cornfield. Normally Saturdays go a lot longer than you expect or they go faster than you expect. It seems the majority of the time they take longer because there is more to do to make up for the fact that the field work isn't being worked in on Sunday. This particular Saturday must have been really lucky though because we were done by 10am. Only 3 hrs! That had to be some kind of record for a Saturday! As soon as Keith and I got home I showered and started getting ready. I had convinced Keith to change my oil (I told him if he would change the oil then he didn't need to pay his part of gas for driving to work) but it had been pushed back due to other events coming up so he had to do it right before I went to Boise. There were a few problems he encountered when changing the oil so it took longer than possible (but I didn't complain because it gave me more time to get ready). But, when I realized I still wasn't going to get to Boise until 1pm even with getting off so late I was a little disappointed, knowing that it would probably only be four hours to spend with Brandon.

As I approached the entrance to the Boise Mall, I nervously got out my phone and called Brandon (as he had asked me to do, so that we could figure out a good place to meet up). As I dialed I felt my heart pounding, waiting for him to answer. When he picked up I asked where he and his family were at. He said I had great timing because they had just decided to stop at the food court for lunch. He then asked me if I had eaten already. I admitted I had not (to be honest, the thought didn't even cross my mind when I was getting ready). But I was hungry now so I was grateful for the offer. Brandon said he would be waiting for me at the escalator to the food court. As I stepped onto the escalator it seemed like all I could hear was my heart beating wildly, anticipating this long awaited moment. And then I saw Brandon. I stared into his amazing blue eyes and smiled. A second later it finally registered that there was a cute little girl standing next to him, holding his hand. He then introduced me to his niece Rylee. I bent down to say hi to her and introduce myself, willing my heart to stop pounding so loud. When I stood up I finally got to hug Brandon, and when he put his arms around me It calmed my racing nerves and I felt so comfortable. So comfortable that it surprised me.
After we hugged he sent Rylee back to his sister and asked what I wanted to eat. Not wanting to be picky, I didn't voice my opinion. So when I told Brandon to choose it suprised me that he picked the exact place I had wanted. When we got to the line I was vocalizing some of the choices on the menu I was considering when he made it clear that he was going to buy my lunch. I hesitated a little and asked if he was sure. He said he wanted to because he had never had the opportunity to do so during winter semester. Another brownie point for Brandon! He then introduce me to his mom and sister and his other niece Jenna. As we ate and talked Brandon mentioned that he and his mom and sisters had decided to leave on Sunday morning instead of that day so that they would have more time to shop. "So," he said "I can go to all the things you said you had going on today if I'm still invited." I said yes. As we finished eating he then said we were leaving and told his mom and sister he would see them later on tonight. His mom seemed surprised by this and asked if he would be with me the whole day. He said he planned on it. "YESs!!!" I thought, "I get to spend a whole day with Brandon Carney!

The rest of the day zoomed by. First we played frisbee golf in the park. As we talked I again realized just how natural and easy it was to be around him. After frisbee golf we went to Goodies (a candy and ice cream shop in Boise) where we shared vanilla bean ice cream. (Which when I mentioned to Savannah and she found out that we ate from the same container, she said shairing dairy products meant that you were comfortable with the idea of kissing each other if you are willing to share jerms like that.)

After we finished at Goodies we met up with my parents and Keith for the BSU scrimage. My dad had bought me an orange BSU shirt just for the occasion so when he realized Brandon was going to be able to come he brought along a blue one of his own for Brandon to wear. As I TRIED to watch the scrimage Brandon and Keith took turns poking me and squishing me between them. Watching them interact I realized that they were already two peas in a pod. Seeing them getting along so well was definitely a plus. I couldn't believe how much they clicked, and within only a seconds of meeting each other. But even though that was quite miraculous to me, what seemed even more amazing was how Brandon and I were together. Just sitting next to him I felt so comfortable that it almost seemed like we were already together and had been that way for a while. I don't really know how to explain it, but it was such a real feeling and I kept wondering if Brandon felt the same way. However, I felt my chances were getting better when Brandon wanted to take some pictures of us together. :)

During the BSU scrimage Keith, and I realized that we needed to stop at home and get a few things before Savannah's Fall Barn Party. Once we changed and grabbed some snacks for the party Brandon, Keith and I jumped in the car, headed to Savannah's house. When we got to the party I introduced Brandon to Savannah and a couple of my cousins who were there as well. It surprised me how well Brandon blended right in and joined in on the fun. He started dancing along to the music and making converstation with others in the group. At some point in time someone mentioned to me that it seemed like we were already dating. I couldn't help but agree with them but I could only hope right then that maybe Brandon would have agreed as well.

At some point in the evening Brandon and I decided that we needed a brake from dancing. He asked about the fire Savannah had mentioned earlier. I asked Savannah about the fire and she directed us to the oposite yard, on the other side of the house. Brandon and I both sat down on the stumps which were situated around the fire as chairs would be. As we talked Brandon asked about the likelihood of me moving back to Rexburg. I mentioned a few ideas I had thought of, such as taking some continuing education classes at BYU-I. He told me he thought I should come back and then mentioned that it would have been nice to have both been in school at the same time so we could have gotten to know each other better. Then Brandon started talking about my family and how easy it was to get along with Keith. When he started talking about how comfortable it was to be around my family I sensed that he was trying to bring up a more personal conversation about us. I was so grateful that he was about to start the conversation I had wanted to come up when we were interepted by three teenagers. As they approached they asked if they were interrupting something and asked if they could join us. We said they could join us, but we both felt that they had definitely had interrupted a needed conversation. Once they sat down it didn't us very long to realize they weren't about to leave any time soon, so we went back to dancing. We continued dancing until about midnight, and then Brandon, Keith and I all decided it was probably time for us to call it a night.

As we walked to the car Brandon asked if he could drive. This surprised me but I said yes (I was completely comfortable with it, but I sensed that he had a specific reason in mind for wanting to). A part of me wondered once we drove away, if he had hoped I would continue my habit (that I had mentioned to him earlier) of always resting my hand on the gear shift as I drove. I noticed that he had also placed his hand there but I didn't know what to do. It seemed too forward to just put my hand right on top, especially if that was not what he was intending at all. I wanted so badly to just ask him... and I think we both wanted to talk about what we were feeling... but, with Keith in the car it just wasn't the right place and time. So, Brandon and I just asked each other questions about interests and shared stories from our growing up years until we arrived at the hotel where he and his family were staying. Brandon hugged me and said bye to Keith, and then hugged me again and said to keep in touch.

As I drove away I felt like I was already missing a really close friend. In one day my connection to Brandon had transformed from a budding friendship/crush to a dear friend and someone I knew I cared about. When I got home and realized that I really didn't know when I would see Brandon again or how it could ever work out, all I could do was hope that the feelings between us wouldn't fade away with the miles that seperated us.

The Promise Kept

After I went back home I had hoped to occasionally hear from Brandon since he had talked of visiting me (possibly even before his cousin's wedding) but 2 months had passed and I hadn't heard anything from him. I was starting to wonder how I could have allowed myself to believe that Brandon might actually like me. But then one evening as I was watching a movie with my parents I saw my cell phone screen Light up with "Brandon Ca..." My first reaction was confusion. The first person that came to mind was a fellow coworker also named Brandon (who was 18 and had a talent for making everyone go crazy). But then I thought "Why and how could he be calling me? No, it isn't possible because I wouldn't have his number and he wouldn't have mine." And yes, I know it seems quite silly that it could have taken me that much time to come to the conclusion that it was Brandon Carney... but after two months of never hearing from Brandon I had assumed the worst: he was like most guys who acted sincerely interested only to realize either a couple days or a couple weeks later that they really weren't so interested anymore.

When I finally realized it was Brandon Carney calling me I jumped off the couch and ran for the nearest bedroom to answer the phone. I was so excited that he was actually calling me! But suddenly my analytical brain started zooming and I decided I didn't want to sound as if this was the day I had been waiting for (even if it was). I thought I had better not scare him off, so no matter why he called I had to act nonchalant. Well, it was hard to do when he asked what I was doing on the weekend of August 19th and 20th. When I looked at the calendar and realized those dates were 3 weeks away I wanted to believe it was a sign that he was still interested in me (why else would someone call that far ahead, right?). As happy as I was to hear from him I was convincing with my casual and unconcerned tone, that I wasn't too concerned about working things out. I even kept the conversation short and business like... never suspecting that he might actually think I really wasn't interested. (Yes, I know, we girls--especially me--are silly!)

As much as I had tried to mask my feelings from Brandon during our phone conversation, I couldn't mask my feelings with my coworkers. During the following weeks I questioned my co-workers as to whether there was a possibility that he had any interest in me or if he was simply a friend. I looked forward to his visit but tried to tell myself I shouldn't get too excited because the likelihood that he liked me when I liked him was next to impossible in my mind--as it had rarely happened in the past, and never lasted more than a few weeks.

A week before Brandon was going to come down to Boise, Brandon texted me to ask what my schedule was looking like and if I had remembered he was coming. Oh Brandon, its a good thing you didn't know how aware I was that it was a week away. I was so nervous and excited... but trying not to be... it was ridiculous. But once again, I tried to act calm and nonchalant about everything. But as we continued to communicate I soon realized I was probably coming across as indifferent. So at the end of the conversation I told him that though I was busy, I would make time to see him. My statement seemed to have improved the quality of conversation and a glimmer of hope appeared once again in my mind.

When Brandon called me on Friday to figure out which day would be best to try to get together I noticed how comfortable it was to talk to him. We decided that we would both have more time to see each other the next day (Saturday). When I asked when he was going out of town he said his family was planning on leaving at 5 or 6pm Saturday. I was a little saddened by that news because I figured I would get off at work at noon at the earliest, then by the time I got ready and drove to Boise to meet him it'd be closer to 1:30 or 2. I was a little disappointed that I wasn't going to have more time with him. But then again, I had spent most of work talking to my good friend Savannah about how seeing him would probably just be another disappointment because I was interested in him... and whenever I liked a boy that meant another heartbreak. "And," I said "I will be spending money for the gas to get there, probably have to buy my own lunch, and waste a lot of time, money and energy on a boy who doesn't think of me as anything more than a friend."

That night I couldn't decide how to feel as I drifted off to sleep. All I knew is that I was either waiting to be disappointed or possibly pleasantly surprised. With all of my previous experience I had my bets set on the first.