After I went back home I had hoped to occasionally hear from Brandon since he had talked of visiting me (possibly even before his cousin's wedding) but 2 months had passed and I hadn't heard anything from him. I was starting to wonder how I could have allowed myself to believe that Brandon might actually like me. But then one evening as I was watching a movie with my parents I saw my cell phone screen Light up with "Brandon Ca..." My first reaction was confusion. The first person that came to mind was a fellow coworker also named Brandon (who was 18 and had a talent for making everyone go crazy). But then I thought "Why and how could he be calling me? No, it isn't possible because I wouldn't have his number and he wouldn't have mine." And yes, I know it seems quite silly that it could have taken me that much time to come to the conclusion that it was Brandon Carney... but after two months of never hearing from Brandon I had assumed the worst: he was like most guys who acted sincerely interested only to realize either a couple days or a couple weeks later that they really weren't so interested anymore.
When I finally realized it was Brandon Carney calling me I jumped off the couch and ran for the nearest bedroom to answer the phone. I was so excited that he was actually calling me! But suddenly my analytical brain started zooming and I decided I didn't want to sound as if this was the day I had been waiting for (even if it was). I thought I had better not scare him off, so no matter why he called I had to act nonchalant. Well, it was hard to do when he asked what I was doing on the weekend of August 19th and 20th. When I looked at the calendar and realized those dates were 3 weeks away I wanted to believe it was a sign that he was still interested in me (why else would someone call that far ahead, right?). As happy as I was to hear from him I was convincing with my casual and unconcerned tone, that I wasn't too concerned about working things out. I even kept the conversation short and business like... never suspecting that he might actually think I really wasn't interested. (Yes, I know, we girls--especially me--are silly!)
As much as I had tried to mask my feelings from Brandon during our phone conversation, I couldn't mask my feelings with my coworkers. During the following weeks I questioned my co-workers as to whether there was a possibility that he had any interest in me or if he was simply a friend. I looked forward to his visit but tried to tell myself I shouldn't get too excited because the likelihood that he liked me when I liked him was next to impossible in my mind--as it had rarely happened in the past, and never lasted more than a few weeks.
A week before Brandon was going to come down to Boise, Brandon texted me to ask what my schedule was looking like and if I had remembered he was coming. Oh Brandon, its a good thing you didn't know how aware I was that it was a week away. I was so nervous and excited... but trying not to be... it was ridiculous. But once again, I tried to act calm and nonchalant about everything. But as we continued to communicate I soon realized I was probably coming across as indifferent. So at the end of the conversation I told him that though I was busy, I would make time to see him. My statement seemed to have improved the quality of conversation and a glimmer of hope appeared once again in my mind.
When Brandon called me on Friday to figure out which day would be best to try to get together I noticed how comfortable it was to talk to him. We decided that we would both have more time to see each other the next day (Saturday). When I asked when he was going out of town he said his family was planning on leaving at 5 or 6pm Saturday. I was a little saddened by that news because I figured I would get off at work at noon at the earliest, then by the time I got ready and drove to Boise to meet him it'd be closer to 1:30 or 2. I was a little disappointed that I wasn't going to have more time with him. But then again, I had spent most of work talking to my good friend Savannah about how seeing him would probably just be another disappointment because I was interested in him... and whenever I liked a boy that meant another heartbreak. "And," I said "I will be spending money for the gas to get there, probably have to buy my own lunch, and waste a lot of time, money and energy on a boy who doesn't think of me as anything more than a friend."
That night I couldn't decide how to feel as I drifted off to sleep. All I knew is that I was either waiting to be disappointed or possibly pleasantly surprised. With all of my previous experience I had my bets set on the first.
A week before Brandon was going to come down to Boise, Brandon texted me to ask what my schedule was looking like and if I had remembered he was coming. Oh Brandon, its a good thing you didn't know how aware I was that it was a week away. I was so nervous and excited... but trying not to be... it was ridiculous. But once again, I tried to act calm and nonchalant about everything. But as we continued to communicate I soon realized I was probably coming across as indifferent. So at the end of the conversation I told him that though I was busy, I would make time to see him. My statement seemed to have improved the quality of conversation and a glimmer of hope appeared once again in my mind.
When Brandon called me on Friday to figure out which day would be best to try to get together I noticed how comfortable it was to talk to him. We decided that we would both have more time to see each other the next day (Saturday). When I asked when he was going out of town he said his family was planning on leaving at 5 or 6pm Saturday. I was a little saddened by that news because I figured I would get off at work at noon at the earliest, then by the time I got ready and drove to Boise to meet him it'd be closer to 1:30 or 2. I was a little disappointed that I wasn't going to have more time with him. But then again, I had spent most of work talking to my good friend Savannah about how seeing him would probably just be another disappointment because I was interested in him... and whenever I liked a boy that meant another heartbreak. "And," I said "I will be spending money for the gas to get there, probably have to buy my own lunch, and waste a lot of time, money and energy on a boy who doesn't think of me as anything more than a friend."
That night I couldn't decide how to feel as I drifted off to sleep. All I knew is that I was either waiting to be disappointed or possibly pleasantly surprised. With all of my previous experience I had my bets set on the first.
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